Oliver Hazard Perry

News & Info

World Court Ruling Establishes New Ohio Border

(Hague) – August 27, 2013 – The International Court of Justice ruled today in favor of Canada and Great Britain on a 200 year old border dispute with the United States. The Treaty of Ghent ending the War of 1812 re-established the Border between nations and in a stunning decision, Ohio’s Northern Border will be returned to what is now Canada. The border towns in the Western Basin of Lake Erie including Port Clinton and the Islands will return to Canadian control starting Labor Day Weekend. World court President Peter Tonka from Slovakia stated “modern science has allowed the court to clearly read the words in the Treaty and it is now without question.”

The only evidence submitted by both sides in the case was a soiled copy of the Treaty. New spectral viewing technologies recently introduced in 2013 have allowed the 15 justices a clearer visual of the words. When the decision was announced, David Zavagno President of the Lake Erie Heritage Foundation and representing both the State of Ohio and United States, erupted in court and had to be forcibly restrained by the Marshalls. Wigs were seen flying from the heads of the English legal team as they were being charged by Zavagno.

Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper announced shortly thereafter The Royal Bank of Canada would open branches immediately in Port Clinton and the Islands to start currency exchanges. “In order to expedite the process and cause no burden to our new citizens, a very liberal exchange rate of five U.S. dollars to one Looney has been established.”

While being restrained in a scene remnant of the 1800’s Zavagno cried out “We will settle this once and for all on the high seas and not in the court of misfit justice” At high noon on Labor Day he challenged the British Navy to “bring their best” and we will settle this at the previous Battle site on Lake Erie. In a day of stunning pronouncements, the British Navy accepted. Zavagno quickly brandished a “Don’t Give Up the Ship Flag” while his British counterpart ripped up a historical paper with the words “We have Met the Enemy and They Are Ours” and set it in flames in front of a stunned crowd. Both men shook hands and separated.

The World now prepares for an epic Labor Day Battle.

  • Event Schedule

    Sun. Sept 10, 2016

    Annual Commemoration of The Battle of Lake Erie